Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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