im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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