so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
