we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Couch. On fire.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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