we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.