I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful