I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.