anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.