take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize