If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
