I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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