If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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