I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize