Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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