I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
