My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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