Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
