I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
