My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
