A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
