I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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