Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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