Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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