She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
