Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I could fuck to npr.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
