I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
