you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize