Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
