to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
