Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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