in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
