yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
