How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
40s are totally the cure
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
