He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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