You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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