please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
