i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
