the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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