Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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