eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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