he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...