I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed