eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!