we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor