I can tuck mytits in my pants
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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