My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
