we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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