Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
