im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
