I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
