Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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