it hurts more in the daytime
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
