When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
