i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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