did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
