I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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