After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.