remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.