i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.