when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?