I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.