Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize