Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize