They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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