There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
