i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
