If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
