bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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